and Hi, to all..
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| taken from pictures-of-cats.org, Photo by Martha★ |
Love. Too many descriptions for this feeling. When one anticipates in it, he or she would unlikely to break from the spell of love. Its too addictive. Its too sweet. And, sometimes, it would cause a great pain. And I'm referring to the feeling of Falling in love. The process of 'falling in love' is way too different from a person is already in a loving situation, whereby falling in love is more towards infatuation or obsession.
When I was a school-girl, girls were (and still are) usually became hyperactive and gone overexcited when gossiping or light-chatting about their boyfriend, their crush, and all those lovey-dovey stuffs (including Korean dramas, movies and songs that are all encircled around love stuff).
School-guys, they have always overexcited with DoTA, Counter-Strike, Gundam, Bleach, football, basketball.. etc.. etc.. They tend not to talk openly in their big circle of friends about love feeling they had on his crush like they do about gaming.
However, the situations no longer seems to be like that when they have graduated from their schools.
Girls are less mania about liking guys. They chat more about family, religion-related discussions, hobbies, philosophies of life, health, remarkable moments they've observed before, and fashion (like always).
While guys...they seem non-stop to say or express their feelings they had for a girl they have a deep crush, (though they still obsess with their hobbies as usual).. almost like...everyday??? If not about their secret crush, they would mention and discuss publicly, through forum, blogging and social networking about marriage, engagement, their very own future baby(ies')'s name(s), and love enigma they have gotten into. Sometimes they always make their statements that have ambiguous/ double meaning. Also, they love to insert the gals name once or thrice in their conversations with the people/ friends that know about his secret of liking to that someone. All these proves have broken a myth that I had believed before. In reality, guys are just the same as girls. They do like love-thingy too. And their liking to that special-one of theirs are more critical than girls do. Ratio of suicidal acts of guys are statistically more than girls due to heartbreak that they couldn't face when their partners clashes with them.
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| Pic taken from somewhere in the internet. |
Okey, drop with that. What I really wanted to highlight is...
Sometimes, you would wonder, why do you even like that person in the first place?
Why do you even want the person so badly?
Why do you still even want to endure the pain in your chest when you see that special-one is scandalised/gossiped/having a special-relationship with other than you?
Why don't you just forget about that person when he or she is making you worse?(while true love is suppose to bring out the best in you)
Yet, you still letting yourself hypnotized by the appeal of him/ her that suits your taste of your dream guy/ girl that caught your heart in the very first place after you saw him or her because you are so addicted to it. Yes, I know. It's a love-drug. I've tasted it, about months ago, and it has done no good. Love-potion is better, because it cures your inner-side. I've tasted this too. And still tasting it. With my Ibu, Dad, siblings, and a few select friends of mine.
drug==dadah; potion==ubat; not that love-potion to make someone falling in love with you, I'm reffering to its literal meaning :p
I was in that condition before I apprehended myself that it's not the right thing to feel that way.
I have my core course subjects that I have to focus upon.
I have my family that has not yet receive my total commitment and love, even my mom sometimes feels I do not love her... It's merely because I'm still learning to control my shyness to express my sense of love into an action without blushing, because I'm not used to do those loving acts. I love to keep my true feeling to myself, unless there's a dire need for it to be shown, but usually exposed in my drawings or any other arts...
and also, I have cats that are just like my babies to be taken care of. My parents shouldn't be the ones who commit themselves to make sure their shelter is in spic-and-span condition.
sigh...
and my Ibu simply said to me...
Ibu:
"Dear (in real life, she didn't call me that :p only in message), just imagine, the one you that you crushed is like a car that you are targeting to buy. Just increase the value of you needed to obtain the car"
Me:
"Hrmm...like that? So he is just like my favourite car, Smart for 4 :D "
Ibu:
"Yeah. Maybe.. But Smart for 4 design is outdated already... "
Me:
"I still like it anyway"
Ibu:
"When a new car that is way better than that Smart car is being released, you're going to change your mind sooner or later"
Me:
"Hahah... I think that's quite true. Because I'm planning for a hybrid car too...
ermm.. Don't Ibu think that when Ibu exemplified my condition with buying a car...it sounds like a car can be a second-hand or not the best for me as sooner I'll find a car that suits me better? So, does that means I just have to prospect him until I'm quite sure enough he is not taken, or there's any other guy that suits my taste and complement my needs better, and I'm ready enough for any relationship and commitment (of course in halal way), isn't it???"
Ibu:
"Finally. You have gotten the key-points...and in actuality it's more than that...but you can think by your own. And one more thing, you must make sure he is not a display car, which people usually use it for test-drive... and you never want that type of guy, do you?"
Me:
"You're right.. :-o Certainly I won't like that kind of guy."
and then she called my AbangLong to tell about our discussion and my answers as my brother had known earlier that my Ibu wanted to approach me with this concept of crush to help me to get through with it. Both of them laughed about it, and I joined the laugh too... it was a good counselling anyway.
This has helped me to feel better and manage to handle the problem that stressed me out.
-The full conversation was in Malay language, and my Mom's English is better than mine.-
My dad added that...the current personality of a guy is not fully true, because he is still depending on his parents, has scholarship that helps him to pay his education, etc.. If you want to see the real him, wait until he has become a true working man. Than you will know the true him when all things have to depend on him only.
My dad added some more:
"That crush feeling might be very little, and just a little ignition only, but later it is later magnified and put in aflame by Syaitan, to make you feel uneasy and restless and unfocused to almost everything, even in your ibadah... Manzil is the cure for it, as you have always known. Go and read it up."
Praise to Allah, the Manzil have helped me a lot too.. very much..
:D
Sometimes, the feeling popped-up in a sudden if I'm not aware enough to control my mind to focus on something else other than the crush. And its the manzil that I have always seek.
hrmm...
p/s: projects and assignments are building up frantically D:
p/p/s: It's ramadhan al-mubarak everone!!! Fasting month is great. :D
Ramadhan Kareem!
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